So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
