um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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