i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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