I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
