now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
