Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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