Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
