dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
