dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
