3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
