It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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