You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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