Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
