Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
