bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
