Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
