Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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