so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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