do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
