i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
my being single is dangerous.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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