DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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