i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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