its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
