Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
