My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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