i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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