and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I understand Curling. That high.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
