I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
