My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just found puke in my bra..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
