the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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