OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
