and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
