just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
