OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
