Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
