I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
