wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
