I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
