used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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