Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
