I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
