moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
