I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
