It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
