i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
