I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
