Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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