You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
