So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
