mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He kissed a someone with a penis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
